fatty. no good for you.


“Existence – well what does it matter? I exist on the best means I can…”

"...the past is now part of my future, the present is well out of hand. The present is well out of hand."

The lyric is taken from Joy Division's "Heart and Soul".

I've lost more weight, but it's not really progress.  I'm still me.  I lack the discipline, the will, the strength, and often the desire to make the improvements that are going to establish myself as viable for this world.

There's a lot of metaphors for ways to demonstrating futility when facing an inevitable conclusion of failure.  "Rearranging deck chairs on the Titantic", "running out the clock", and so on...  I could lose the weight, but so what?  I still wake up wishing I hadn't.

There's really no reward upon reaching my weight loss goals that's going to be worth the time or effort that comes with it.  At varying times, I've had everything in life that I could have possibly wanted, and it was never enough.

Is there anything I actually want?

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“One likes to believe in the freedom of music…”

The above quote is from a Rush song that's roughly the same age as myself called "The Spirit of Radio".

A Google search of "define:radio" yielded this definition:

"The transmission and reception of electromagnetic waves of radio frequency, esp. those carrying sound messages."

Radio, like telephone, is a different beast than it was 30 years ago. They're full-blown mediums that outgrew their dictionary definitions in favor of expansive functionality their inventors could never have imagined. I'm sure Alexander Graham Bell would have pissed in your face if you suggested to him that we'd be using a portable version of his hard-wired telephone to play "Words with Friends" and download videos of people pissing in the faces of others.

There's a reason I'm getting into this, I swear.

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